Xalan

hey.so yeah, as it says, this is my first blog ever.iv checked out a few ppls blogs to see how i should go around doin this, wether i should talk about summit personal or just random happenings so i decided on goin with summit personal that if found out over the last few months.im not really one for talkin about things like this irl cause i dont like uncomfortable feelin of feelin open, exposed, vulnerable, whatever ya wanna call it so here goes.

i m 23 and live with my mam, have done for just over 3 years now.she needed the company and i needed some wer to stay.as a kid she was an alcoholic, she drank alot and it was always vodka, so the memories i have of her aint good or bad, tbh ther far and few between.i remember tryin to wake her up wen she'd fall asleep on the couch at daft oclock in the morn but thats about it.any way, over the last couple or years she's sufferd from strokes, and has to take near 30 pills a day (around 7 every 4 hours or so) just to keep her alive.last year around oct i found out that she only has around 2years to live,my sis told me as the doctor told her over the phone cause my mam couldnt do it.the 1st thing i said was "no point u taking out life insurence out, we wouldnt get fuck all".im not cold or heartless or anything like that, its the way i handle those kinda moments, with something witty.

since xmas she's been fine tho, still 7 shades of crazy, etc, but its summit ya think about alot.i dont tread lightly around her, i still act like i always have, make jokes, etc.its kinda shitty yeah, but its a natural thing to me, to avoid the awkwardness of it all.

just thought id share that lil bit of awkwardness with everyone, let ya all into a hew moments of my life.haha.dont worry, happier entries will follow