A few calls to technical support: Tech support: What kind of computer do you have? Female customer: A white one... =============== Customer: Hi, this is Maureen. I can't get my diskette out. Tech support: Have you tried pushing the Button? Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck. Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note. Customer: No , wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry.... =============== Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen. Customer: Your left or my left? =============== Tech support: Good day. How may I help you? Male customer: Hello... I can't print. Tech support: Would you click on 'start' for me and... Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates. =============== Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it... ============== = Customer: I have problems printing in red.. Tech support: Do you have a color printer? Customer: Aaaah....................thank you. =============== Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am? Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at Woolies. =============== Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore. Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer? Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer. Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back. Customer:! OK Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you? Customer: Yes Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard? Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work... =============== Tech support: Your password is the small letter 'a' as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7. Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters ? == ============= Customer: can't get on the Internet. Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password? Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it. Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was? Customer: Five stars. =============== Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use? Customer: Netscape. Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program. Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer. =============== Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears. =============== Tech support: How may I help you? Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail. Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem? Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it? =============== A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. Tech support: Are you running it under windows? Customer: 'No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine.' =============== And last but not least... Tech support: 'Okay Colin, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager.' Customer: I don't have a P. Tech support: On your keyboard, Colin. Customer: What do you mean? Tech support: 'P'.....on your keyboard, Colin. Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!!
Nice article CurlySteve. Would've been even nicer if you linked to the original: Noah Coad : Funny: Computer Tech Support Calls Found some other good ones here: Computer Stupidities: Calls From Hell Customer: "Right! I demand satisfaction!" Tech Support: "I see. Well, I'm here to try and help you. What kind of problem are you having?" Customer: "It's not my problem! The 'commuter' I bought six weeks ago just won't work! I can't do a damned thing with it!" Tech Support: "I see. Do you mean it won't even switch on, or is it something else?" Customer: "Don't try to sandbag me! I know my rights!" Tech Support: "Sir, could you explain the problem you are having so I can better help you with it?" Customer: "I've called them all, AOL, Nildram, Tiscali, and none of them are any good." Tech Support: "Ok, so are you saying that you're having problems getting on-line?" Customer: "Look, it doesn't work! I want satisfaction!" Tech Support: "Ok, well I need to ask you some questions to help you with the problem." Customer: "Fine, but I doubt you're going to fix it." Tech Support: "Is your modem installed and plugged into the phone line?" Customer: "How would I know if it's plugged in?" Tech Support: (describes how the back of the machine looks and where the modem is) Customer: "Yes, that's just how mine looks, and it doesn't work, so just accept that it's broken!" Tech Support: "Which cable did you connect the modem to the phone line with, sir?" Customer: "I have to wire the stupid thing in?" -------------------------------- Tech Support: "Good evening, how can I help you?" Customer: "Uhh, yeah, I'm tryin' t' use this here program t' take a course online, and it ain't workin'." Tech Support: "All right, what kind of computer do you have? I want to make sure it's ok to run our software." Customer: "Uhh, well, it's my dad's computer, and I don't know what it is. It jus' says COMPAQ on the front." Tech Support: "Ok, and you can connect to the Internet, right?" Customer: "Yup, that's not the problem though. I can't take muh course." Tech Support: "All right, what browser and version do you use?" Customer: "Whut's a browser?" Tech Support: "It's the program you use to see things on the Internet. Do you use Internet Explorer or Netscape?" Customer: "Uh, I dunno." (agitated) "I don't know much 'bout this computer stuff. The school just said I hafta do sum' muh courses on it." Tech Support: "Ok, well, when you connect to the Internet and see information, is there a fancy 'N' in a box on the upper right hand corner of the screen, or is it a blue 'e' with a stripe across it?" Customer: "Uh, I don't see none of that." Tech Support: "Ok sir, do you know if you use America Online to get on the Internet?" Customer: "Uh, no, ah use AOL."