Funny technical support calls

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by CurlySteve, Jan 20, 2009.

  1. CurlySteve

    CurlySteve Elite Member

    Sep 26, 2007
    Likes Received:
    Birmingham, England, UK
    A few calls to technical support:

    Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?

    Female customer: A white one...


    Customer: Hi, this is Maureen. I can't get my diskette out.
    Tech support: Have you tried pushing the Button?
    Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
    Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
    Customer: No , wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry....


    Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
    Customer: Your left or my left?


    Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
    Male customer: Hello... I can't print.
    Tech support: Would you click on 'start' for me and...
    Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates.


    Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...

    ============== =

    Customer: I have problems printing in red..
    Tech support: Do you have a color printer?
    Customer: Aaaah....................thank you.


    Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
    Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at Woolies.


    Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
    Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
    Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
    Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
    Customer:! OK
    Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
    Customer: Yes
    Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
    Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work...


    Tech support: Your password is the small letter 'a' as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
    Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters ?

    == =============

    Customer: can't get on the Internet.
    Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
    Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
    Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
    Customer: Five stars.


    Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
    Customer: Netscape.
    Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.
    Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.


    Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.


    Tech support: How may I help you?
    Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
    Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
    Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?


    A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
    Tech support: Are you running it under windows?
    Customer: 'No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine.'


    And last but not least...

    Tech support: 'Okay Colin, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager.'
    Customer: I don't have a P.
    Tech support: On your keyboard, Colin.
    Customer: What do you mean?
    Tech support: 'P'.....on your keyboard, Colin.
    Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!!
  2. Trebor

    Trebor Dolphin Fan

    Jun 1, 2007
    Likes Received:
    West Yorkshire
    Nice article CurlySteve. Would've been even nicer if you linked to the original: Noah Coad : Funny: Computer Tech Support Calls

    Found some other good ones here: Computer Stupidities: Calls From Hell

    Customer: "Right! I demand satisfaction!"
    Tech Support: "I see. Well, I'm here to try and help you. What kind of problem are you having?"
    Customer: "It's not my problem! The 'commuter' I bought six weeks ago just won't work! I can't do a damned thing with it!"
    Tech Support: "I see. Do you mean it won't even switch on, or is it something else?"
    Customer: "Don't try to sandbag me! I know my rights!"
    Tech Support: "Sir, could you explain the problem you are having so I can better help you with it?"
    Customer: "I've called them all, AOL, Nildram, Tiscali, and none of them are any good."
    Tech Support: "Ok, so are you saying that you're having problems getting on-line?"
    Customer: "Look, it doesn't work! I want satisfaction!"
    Tech Support: "Ok, well I need to ask you some questions to help you with the problem."
    Customer: "Fine, but I doubt you're going to fix it."
    Tech Support: "Is your modem installed and plugged into the phone line?"
    Customer: "How would I know if it's plugged in?"
    Tech Support: (describes how the back of the machine looks and where the modem is)
    Customer: "Yes, that's just how mine looks, and it doesn't work, so just accept that it's broken!"
    Tech Support: "Which cable did you connect the modem to the phone line with, sir?"
    Customer: "I have to wire the stupid thing in?"

    Tech Support: "Good evening, how can I help you?"
    Customer: "Uhh, yeah, I'm tryin' t' use this here program t' take a course online, and it ain't workin'."
    Tech Support: "All right, what kind of computer do you have? I want to make sure it's ok to run our software."
    Customer: "Uhh, well, it's my dad's computer, and I don't know what it is. It jus' says COMPAQ on the front."
    Tech Support: "Ok, and you can connect to the Internet, right?"
    Customer: "Yup, that's not the problem though. I can't take muh course."
    Tech Support: "All right, what browser and version do you use?"
    Customer: "Whut's a browser?"
    Tech Support: "It's the program you use to see things on the Internet. Do you use Internet Explorer or Netscape?"
    Customer: "Uh, I dunno." (agitated) "I don't know much 'bout this computer stuff. The school just said I hafta do sum' muh courses on it."
    Tech Support: "Ok, well, when you connect to the Internet and see information, is there a fancy 'N' in a box on the upper right hand corner of the screen, or is it a blue 'e' with a stripe across it?"
    Customer: "Uh, I don't see none of that."
    Tech Support: "Ok sir, do you know if you use America Online to get on the Internet?"
    Customer: "Uh, no, ah use AOL."

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